Kate... uncensored

random remarks

Haven't done one of these in a while, but it was just this kind of a day.

 - Sitting in the urologists office while my husband had an appointment (which he told me about as I picked him up)  Considered just how much energy and time has been spent in such appointments.  Dropped off testosterone script and considered that with all the money spent on that hormone over the last few years, my husband should be a walking penis.

 - I ran across a box of cards and letters while I was looking for some paperwork.  Stopped and flipped through these things.  Realized how incredibly pitiful this was and put it away.  Not before I read ones that made me cry.

 - Realized I'm being entirely too nice out of misplaced guilt to someone who's borderline hostile to me.

- I am thinking that it's almost too warm for November as far as I'm concerned.

- Had one of the most vivid sex dreams I've ever had last night.  Thinking back on this dream will at least get me through the rest of this evening.

Random remarks

Because I'm too tired to write all the more important things I would like to...

-I'm thinking I may be one of the few not watching the Olympics. Just can't seem to get up any enthusiasm for them this time around.

-I need to get boxes.

-I read "Love the One You're With" by Emily Giffin simply because it was placed on hold at the library under my name accidentally. Surprised that I enjoyed it - until the end when I pitched it at the wall. More of a reflection on my circumstances than the authors storytelling.

-Sulking because the person who was supposed to interview me for the project has not emailed me back.

-Need to find a seamstress and a shoe repair place. I am hard on my belongings lately.

-I prefer the drive from Buffalo to Nashville when I'm by myself.

Random remarks

Hadn't done one in a while, and my mind cannot come up with any one idea today. It's like a word search up there, all the letters blending together.

Talked to an old friend today. Didn't really get a chance to catch up, but you know how sometimes it's just nice to hear someone's voice?

The libraries in this area are bugging me. I've only tried three, but in general them seem loud. Phones going off, conversations being held above a whisper. Since when do libraries allow this behavior? Where is the nasty librarian shushing everyone?

I go back and forth over sleeping with my husband. There are nights we go to bed at the same time in the same bed and it isn't too horrible. But other nights, it is. I think we both sleep better apart at this point. I know it's confusing to him - my schedule, my insomnia, my inability to pick a bed and commit to it. The spare room bed is NOT comfortable beyond one night at a time, and I feel bad asking him to switch. I guess I'll keep doing what I'm doing.

Weaning or no weaning, I feel very different drug free. A little tired, somewhat spacey. I think the heat might have something to do with it to. Or my personal brand of cabin fever.

Going shopping today for a wedding shower gift and to maybe find something for Dad. If the court thing had worked out, I would have been able to see him Sunday, so that kinda sucks, but I'll catch him soon enough.

I am an orange

Wait...

I am like an orange.


I have a rough, thick skin.


If you manage to penetrate that, you'll find another, bitter layer


When you finally get to my insides


You never know if I'll be tart & acidic


Or sweet



Yes, I am way off my schedule and need more sleep.

no title needed

I've been reading the rest of the posts I had saved on my old site. Moved some here.

I'm weird about picking and choosing. I guess some things I have to edit, others don't make sense without context, or I don't feel the need to revisit. Not sure anyone would want to cover this history, but I suppose I want everything I do want to keep in one place.
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On another note, the Other had a date tonight.

I care, and I fucking hate that I care.

I hope he had a nice time.

Alright, fine, I don't.

I hope it reminded him of how great I am.
I hope he missed me more than I already know he does.

Ugh, I'm feeling so stupid.

Random remarks

Just about a week until my family arrives. I was really looking forward to their visit, but now I'm lackadaisical. (And yeah, I spelled it on the first shot)

Made pancakes today. Decided that, while I consider myself a pretty damn good cook, I should recognize my limitations. I suck at making pancakes. Also decided, I need to break down and get some new pots & pans.

Worked most of the bad mood out of my system. Back to normal today, or, better stated, what's become normal for us.

Finally got over to the library, got a bunch of stuff. I amused myself by sticking a Lori Foster book in the middle of my stack. Hiding it like a thirteen year old boy would hide Playboy. I met her on an airplane and since then, have read most of her books. I'm not ashamed of people finding my porn, but a romance novel, God forbid! And, I will add for the record, that this secret guilty pleasure has not morphed into a habit, I've only touched her books...

Feeling the need to shop. I have a few gift cards burning a hole in my wallet. When I owned my business, my girls would laugh, because once in a blue moon I would take off an afternoon to shop for shoes and lingerie. Both are fun, don't take too much thinking, make me feel sexy, therefore less-stressed.

I think I need to find something to do for me this weekend. The weekends are tough because I feel we don't enjoy them and that often, they go to waste. So, if I have something I want to do, and he doesn't, tough. We did things by ourselves often at home, I guess I just don't like leaving him home here. I wish he'd find friends here even more than I wish I had them. He's always had a ton of friends around, he makes friends easy, friends that last. Hell, he's known some of his friends longer than I've been alive.

Off to run out the Lab...

Etsy

When you can't sleep and the cable box fizzles... travel randomly through one site to another.

Wandered around etsy tonight. This could get me in serious trouble. I was good though, haven't bought anything. Have a seller I should check out? Know of a good shop?

Maybe I'll add this to the list of places to look for unique pieces for the home...

Random remarks

This idea of surprising my parents for their anniversary with a vacation is not necessarily a good one. My sister is pushy, my brother is apathetic, and I can think of many people I'd rather travel with.

Finally got the name of the hotel we're staying at in Orlando from husband's board member - since he booked the reservations. I hope we can do dinner somewhere nice, but I'm hesitant, apparently this board member is not very fond of my husband. I hope there isn't too much tension.

Of all the time I've spent away from home, I've never missed Mother's day. I feel bad that I won't be there this year.    I'm hoping the flowers she's getting at work tomorrow will be a nice surprise.

Mother's day isn't one of my favorite days. I made cards because going to look at cards makes me cry every year. The mother-to-be cards and those for a first mother's day are enough to send me into a crying jag. At least this year I'm saved the anguish of saying no to the maitre'd when we go to brunch and they ask if I'm a mother. I can hide out at home and watch lame TV or something, being as moody as I want to be.

I'm starting to think about what to do when my family arrives on the 24th. We haven't explored much since we've been in town, so it will be nice to get out more. I know my Dad wants to tour the Hermitage, my mother wants to try some interesting restaurants and my sister plans on trying to hunt down Tim McGraw. I have to see what I can come up with for them to do.

Random remarks

I baked those Whole Wheat Apple muffins that have been doing around. I'm not a huge fan of apples, but these turned out pretty damn good. I decided to wrap some up and drop them off next door as part of a welcome basket for our new neighbors.

While April 22 is Earth Day, I always think of it as the day my mom quit smoking. I'm still proud of her. She had a health scare and made a deal with God (funny how we all start bargaining when we're scared) She's been smoke free since 1994. I also always remember this as the birthday of the boy I had the biggest crush on in high school. Funny how my mind remembers worthless facts like this.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm a dork. While I'm not an American Idol watcher, I will have to watch tonight. I've always been a Broadway/show tunes junkie fan. I know I wore out a few cassette tapes (and my family's ears) with all those Andrew Lloyd Webber songs back in the day. I've been lucky enough to perform a number of shows in a number of venues, but some of those songs I'd still love to sing on a big stage.

Fuckety fuck fuck

Huh. Knowing my tendency to throw a curse word (or eight) into most conversations, how is it that the Cuss-o-Meter gives me 0%? Fuck that shit! I guess I'll have to cuss it up a bit. I think it's funny. Probably just the damn fact that the recent posts have no cocksucking curse words. I know for a fact certain posts back there must have something. Zero percent makes me sound so pure and virginal.

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