Kate... uncensored

Random remarks, bordering on whining

Dad called tonight. Someone I graduated with gave the commencement speech tonight at my former high school's graduation ceremony. That was all I got from my father's message - I didn't feel like calling him back. Was peeved that no one asked me. Then I remembered - the business I recently sold wasn't like Google or something, and I'm much more important in my own mind. Blushing then, I decided to stop.

Looking for jobs and apartments in both areas sucks. I would like to be independently wealthy. I would totally put my money to good use, helping those I care about and those I don't know.  I'd want to do it quietly too. Hard to believe, thanks to the above statement, but I'm not all about self-promotion.

I don't understand my husband's ability to move from conversation to casual talking. I can have a touch of the dramatic in me. Shocking, I know. But, I feel going from "Leaving is up to you" to "Do we have fluff?" is just awkward.

Now I'm hungry - and there's nothing in the house. I desperately need to grocery shop. I miss going out to breakfast at home this late at the 24 hour diners; or hitting the bar/restaurant around the corner from my old place. There's not a lot of that near me, that I'm aware of. Plus, you didn't feel bad hitting the one place for food at 12 or 1 because you knew they were still open another 4 hours or so. Ah, Buffalo bar hours...

I laid in bed at 7 this evening, shortly after he got home because I thought that might help me avoid more talking. I've been talking in circles, and avoiding the one thing that's hardest to say. Instead I killed 3+ hours of my night. Aargh. I actually fell asleep too, which further fucks my already fucked up sleeping schedule.

Speaking of fuck, why did I give in last weekend? Yeah, I know why. Regardless, now I'm back to clawing the walls. Not helping the situation.

Trying to block those thoughts... will instead think about the dog's grooming appt. in the morning. Will think of maybe going to dinner by myself tomorrow while my husband attends some blind people night out thing. Yes, I know, I am a horrible person. What you don't know is that upon marrying someone blind, you have the right to snicker at these activities. It's in the "spouse of a blind person" handbook.

Which totally reminds me that my book will be titled "Love is blind... and so is my husband"

Random Remarks

Have been sucked into the vortex of American Idol, the husband has been watching and his favorite, Brooke, has now gone home. He had quite a lot to say about this, I had to laugh. I think we were the last holdouts not watching, and now we've been converted.

Watching scrapbook products on QVC is addicting. No wonder even with internet shopping that this company is thriving - these salespeople hosts could sell me anything. I will probably restrain though, I have too much stuff I need to use up before I allow myself to buy more.

My sister in law and her husband should be here tomorrow. I've been cleaning and organizing like a madwoman. I wonder, how did so much crap follow us here, it seemed like we threw out /donated /sold / recycled everything we possibly could, but tonight we were making more piles.

I want to take the company out to dinner either tonight or Saturday. I have done a little thinking, but I haven't decided where to take them. I'm disappointed we haven't explored more restaurants since we've been here.

Husband interviews new assistants tomorrow. I've prescreened and set up the interviews - I'm crossing my fingers that he is able to hire someone more qualified, more professional and less *cough* dramatic than the current one.

With the Orlando trip coming up, and the pool to be opened soon, I'm starting to look at bathing suits. You know, every woman's favorite activity. I'm pretty secure, but this is one area that bothers me. Plus, like a lot of other women, somehow my hips and my bust don't agree on suits.  I haven't bought one in a while - we haven't traveled anywhere warm and in Buffalo, there can be hot summer days, but pools are much less common.

Looking forward to TACA @ Centennial Park this weekend. Hoping my sister in law wants to go. I may be forced to pitch a hissy fit if I miss two things I really wanted to do in one week. 

Plumgood Food

I had seen ads for Plumgood's grocery delivery service, did some research, and got my first delivery today.

I have always been wary of delivered groceries in the past. High delivery charges, bad subsititutions, etc. I have to say, I was pleased. I got everything I ordered. Only one thing had to be changed out, and it was simple - 2 pint containers of something I was supposed to get a quart of. Not bad. Everything stayed cool/cold, as needed and nothing was so heavy I couldn't carry the box or tote in myself.

For me, this might be a good idea. I don't think it will save me from a trip to the grocery store here and there, but that's okay. Some items were a little more expensive, but I'm not buying store brand and that makes a difference. I save money personally because there's no impulse buying here, I review my list before I checkout and I'm more likely to remove something I don't need than I am from a packed cart.

I will definitely be a return customer. Next time maybe I'll branch out and try something from their prepared categories. 

Random remarks

I baked those Whole Wheat Apple muffins that have been doing around. I'm not a huge fan of apples, but these turned out pretty damn good. I decided to wrap some up and drop them off next door as part of a welcome basket for our new neighbors.

While April 22 is Earth Day, I always think of it as the day my mom quit smoking. I'm still proud of her. She had a health scare and made a deal with God (funny how we all start bargaining when we're scared) She's been smoke free since 1994. I also always remember this as the birthday of the boy I had the biggest crush on in high school. Funny how my mind remembers worthless facts like this.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm a dork. While I'm not an American Idol watcher, I will have to watch tonight. I've always been a Broadway/show tunes junkie fan. I know I wore out a few cassette tapes (and my family's ears) with all those Andrew Lloyd Webber songs back in the day. I've been lucky enough to perform a number of shows in a number of venues, but some of those songs I'd still love to sing on a big stage.

A trip to Whole Foods

I ventured to the Whole Foods over in Green Hills. While I wasn't so fond of the actual layout of the store. (Or to be honest, my total, though that's my own fault) I was so glad to be in a quality grocery store. I miss Wegmans.

I was pleased with their produce and their meat selections, though I did think they were "missing" a few things. The bakery section was the biggest surprise. Had to come back the long way. Really wish I could learn my way around better, I hate being reliant on the GPS.

Bad Cookies

I didn't feel like going over to Whole Foods, so when I ran into Kroger for milk, I was assaulted by a middle aisle display. I bought these.

Why? I am not sure. They aren't organic, and we know anything that has hydrogenated or high fructose is not coming near me, yet I felt compelled to buy them.

I guess I should be grateful that the whole package was eaten by my husband before I could get into them.

random remarks

Today is husband's birthday, he'll be 39. I hope he can enjoy the day. He's at school now and has his last exam tonight. He has one A so far, no other grades are back yet.

I'm going for my first massage today. It was a gift from a RESOLVE member turned friend. She is a LMT, but I'm nervous, although I'm not sure why.

As Christmas gets closer I find myself wanting to do nothing festive. It's taking me ten times longer than usual to do the little things I have left to get done. I just finished shopping yesterday! We got a small check for some brailling he did, and we may buy for each other, which would entail more shopping.

I finally frosted the cut out cookies yesterday. I kept waiting for my sister to come help with the icing. She never showed.

I finished the accordian books I'm making for my extended family, now all I have to do is add the embellishments.

I have a feeling my sister will be getting engaged tonight. Her boyfriend asked my dad last week if he had permission to marry her. He wants to do it before Christmas eve, and tonight they're going to some holiday light show outside. I'm excited for her, but I'm not, if that makes any sense.

The SS agency is still bunk. After finding out we have to wait for the disability, we then found out that his SSI for the blind was being stopped. Apparently they calculate regular income and unemployment differently. So now, we aren't getting any help from them. That amount was really helping us to get by. We have enough for rent and utilities, etc. However, that small check took care of groceries and gas for the car. I still haven't figured out what we're going to do. I don't believe we can fight any of this either.

I hope you can all enjoy your holidays! Bah Humbug!

random remarks

- No matter how many programs I record, I still end up watching crap in the middle of the night. There is nothing on this late on Sunday/early on Monday. On that note, why is is that when you turn on the TV in the middle of the night, you invariably get only the middle of movies that interest you?

- Buffalo weather bites. We've had the hottest summer in decades, and I should be grateful, but I need a reprieve. Remind me that I was bitching about muggy nights when I complain about 87" in 24 hours this winter.

- My father was over today, helping with a very simple home repair type thing, and was waxing poetically about how I'm growing up and discovering life isn't always what you want. Uh, newsflash Dad, I learned that years ago as a kid when I bathed my grandmother and took her to the bathroom, I learned that after a cancer diagnosis. Then he made some joke about how chemotherapy could help him lose weight. I know he isn't aware of my emotional state right now, but sometimes I cannot tolerate shit like that.

- Why can I not find dry grape ginger-ale? Don't ask me who made it, maybe Schweppes but it was purple and delicious. I can still find raspberry, but that doesn't cut it. It's been gone for years, but really now I want to drink it. Although, getting anything like that involves going to a grocery store, which I avoid at all costs.

- I cannot sleep and laying in bed causes me to be extremely uncomfortable. I have a lump on my rib area, under my breast, and laying on my side hurts. It's been here a few weeks, but now it hurts. I know I have to go get checked out. Can I admit that the impending loss of insurance has sent me into a panic that it's something horrible. Do people who've never even flirted with disease get this worked up over every weird bump, lump and symptom?

- How long can someone survive on very little sleep before they absolutely crash?