More or less

(Disclaimer: I am not really a New Year's resolution kinda girl.  I've not made resolutions save for maybe one year.   It seems silly to do it once a year when we all could continually be improving our selves, our lives.  So, this is more a suggestion, timed appropriately, and subject to change)

I question everything - in case you had missed it previously - and I over-analyze.  (I know, you're shocked!) Fathers of analysis would be proud. But I can't help myself, I have this weird combination of worry and analysis thanks to one habit from each parent.  My siblings don't really do either, so they're lucky. Maybe it's recessive like the red hair. 

I have decided that perhaps for 2009 - I'll try to do less of this.  But, in line with that thinking, I won't criticize myself if I can't reduce it as much as I would like to. I've been extremely tough on myself the last couple of years.  A certain amount of self - criticism is necessary, but I'm treading awfully close to beating up on me at times, and that needs to happen less. 

So, with that in mind, what needs to happen more? Enjoyment. 

More in the moment -  less worry about how it all ends up
Another Kate (Kate in the Kitchen) pointed out that no one is promised a tomorrow. I feel this way, given my history, but my life seldom reflects it. I would like to be more in the moment, and fret less about how everything will work out in the end, because this very well might be the end, and I wouldn't want to miss it by looking too far ahead, demanding to know how it turns out.

Less stuff - more thought behind the remaining things

More peace - less stress
I know!  But, a girl can dream...

More taking care of me - less taking care of everyone else  
I want to live my life more for me and less for everyone else.  I've spent too long trying to take care of everyone else first and me last. 

More meaningful relationships - less people around
Think quality not quantity

More love, faith, trust, connection - less isolation
I will enjoy my alone time and cherish my time with J. 
Oh, and try not to be a reclusive hermit if and when I get the chance to make friends.  One of my regrets in 2008 was not  putting out my hand to those who reached out to me in Nashville. I just couldn't get myself  out of my own little circle of hell, and while I felt like I got to know a few of you a little, I know I would have liked to know more. I appreciate and thank you for trying. 

More open, soft, forgiving - less closed, hidden, harsh
I will try to appreciate my positives, and gracefully deal with the negatives.  And make a few of those "negatives" into positives, which in those cases is just a matter of reorganizing my brain and re-training my mind.