Blogging against disablism

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While we all KNOW how wrong it is to discriminate against someone because of a disability, we know it happens everyday.

I'll admit, before meeting my husband, I was pretty ignorant to what life was like for people with disabilities. Yes, there are a great number of people who go out of their way to offer assistance & encouragement. But, I've seen just as many people who are cruel or rude.

We've had a few experiences that have hurt us. We try not to dwell on them. Well, he tries to get me not to. He's much more experienced at it, since he's lived with his disability for a lot longer than I have.

My eyes were really opened to this when he lost his job. When faced with a sighted person or a blind one, even when the blind one may have better skills, qualifications, experience, often the sighted person is chosen. It's not going out of the way to discriminate, it's ignorance at thinking a blind person needs more of the company's effort, money, time, energy, tools, care to do a task. He may, but to assume so is foolish and wrong.

For the most part, he can do anything a sighted person can do. He's even driven a car, though that was before my day - I'm not that crazy. He jokes he can do anything but fly a plane and buy a handgun.

I know sometimes, it's fear. I've seen it firsthand, my mother, upon meeting him for the second time, said "it's nice to see you again" and was terrified that she had offended him.

What frustrates me:

Servers at restaurants who ask me what he would like to order.

People who speak louder, as if that will make up for the lack of sight.

People who act as if I am a saint for marrying someone with a disability.

People who seem shocked when they hear my husband not only went to college, but to law school. Who are awestruck that he's been an attorney, became a teacher, runs a successful non-profit. I've even run across people who seem stunned that he works, period.

I like the people who ask questions out of curiosity, because educating someone is the only way to alleviate the fear. Not everyone will meet a blind person, but if their exposure is a positive one and they can take away something useful, great!

I'm sure this isn't the most inspiring post regarding disablism. I get outraged, but often lose my "shtem" (sorry another one of those made-up words my family uses) because I know, for the most part, people don't mean to be hurtful. There are times I have fought back against this, railed against the people who judge and those who enable hatred. Other times, I try to remember to support my husband and do as he does, quietly prove to those people how wrong they are.

He has spent his entire career helping people with disabilities, and especially those who've been discriminated against. He sees the worst of it, and still has faith that the world will improve. And when he isn't working, he volunteers his time. He takes individuals who become newly blind and gives them hope, encouragement, skills, an ally, a friend, a champion. He works with children, proving that you can do what you want, that your disability doesn't have to define you.

He is not broken. He is not handicapped. He is blind. Blind the way you may be tall, or blue eyed or brunette. It's a characteristic, but not a catch-all.

He is a man who constantly amazes me.

Comments

[chez beziat]

Thanks for your words.

[pete]

Great post!
pete

[kethry]

"I like the people who ask questions out of curiosity, because educating someone is the only way to alleviate the fear."

I so relate to that. I love educating people about my deafness. (I admit to sometimes educating too much. woops.) ;)

keth
xx

[Lady Bracknell's Editor]

"It's a characteristic, but not a catch-all"

Oh, nicely put!

[Anna]

Oh yes, the "saint" bit.

I'm obviously such a good person for taking on the "burden" of my husband.

I know people think they're being helpful or nice or whatever when they say that. To me, they're being insufferably rude. My husband is not a burden.

[Valerie Marie]

Great post! Thank you!

[Sara]

Lovely. Thank you. :)

[NTE]

Again and again, these BADD posts illustrate one thing: people with disabilities are people. That's all, that's everything. And unfortunately, too few people see it that way.