« June 2007 | Main | August 2007 »

July 2007

July 19, 2007

Fast approaching

The reality that he's leaving in a handful of weeks is hitting me. I'm sick over the fact that Roscoe has to retire. I will miss him so much, I can't imagine how things will be here without him. I don't think I can just love another dog like that. It's too bad guide dogs have to retire before they're really old, though I understand why.

I'm anxious and excited. He'll be gone and I can have free time. Work has been quiet, and the thought that my time could be COMPLETELY my own is so intoxicating. I want to sleep, eat, clean, masturbate, etc. whenever the hell I want. I want to stay up without worrying that he's wondering where I am. I want to go places without feeling badly that he's home alone sulking.

July 10, 2007

Yessir

Took the kids to the park. I still think it's cool I get to be with them, even if it hurts when people think they're mine.

Talked with the guy who lives across the street.

He's a Navy seal. I had heard that from my friends, and had waved to him a few times, but hadn't met him. His youngest comes over to play sometimes, and I said I didn't mind, so my friends didn't send him home when I got there.

I returned him after the park, and the kids ran into the backyard to play on the swing set.

We sat on the deck with the baby. He assumed I might not want to be in the sunshine, being so fair...

I think I swooned.

He is fascinating. He's had such an interesting life and tells great stories. Curses worse than my mother, which is tough. I was glad the kids were close enough to watch, but not enough to hear.

When it was time to put the kids down, I left and headed back. With everyone asleep, I admit, I was sitting on the front stoop.  His oldest had the younger ones entertained. For some reason I was more talkative than usual, spilling secrets of what's going on at home. Things none of our friends and family know. He listened, although, being a rather masculine male, felt the need to heckle my husband just a bit.

When I went in, I watched him walk across the street. Damn.

My phone has his number in it. Pretty ballsy on his part. I don't know if it was when I was on his deck & changed the baby, or on the stoop and I didn't notice.

I didn't delete it.